chasingwonderwoman

Archive for the category “gratitude”

At Last

capI struggled with the words for this my final blog post. It seems difficult to believe that I have been writing about graduating from college for four years. I wanted to memorialize this journey in order to keep me motivated and now it is suddenly over. In the last year I have not been as active on the blog because the writing intensive courses I have been taking have drained me. In addition, promotions at work have been wonderful to receive but taken time away from writing for pleasure. But let me be clear, this blog has been my guilty pleasure.

Today is the day I officially graduate. I walk with cap and gown across a stage and mark the end of a journey that I began when I was 18 years old — too many years and so many memories ago. Graduations like weddings, funerals and christenings are one of those occasions in your life when you reflect on what has brought you to that event. They remind you of the struggles you’ve faced, insights you’ve gained, friendships you’ve made as well as those you may have lost along the way.

There is no shortage of emotions I am feeling today. I have cried in the car, in the shower, and as I type these words. Tears that are filled with pride, happiness and accomplishment but also with overwhelming exhaustion. This has been one of the  hardest things to keep doing. The work is not that hard, it can be a pain in the  butt at times, but I’ve learned that there is nothing I can’t do. The problem is the drive to keep going, to keep taking another course, to keep filling out the paperwork, to keep meeting with the advisor, to keep keeping on – it’s exhausting. More than once, I just wanted to take a break, stop it or say enough already, do you really need this? You’re career is on a fast track and you are missing out on some fun weekends because of homework – homework at 46 – enough already! Three things kept me going and to which I dedicate this final post and my degree…

1. My Daughter, Kalia….frankly my competitive urge to graduate before her was uber important (and perhaps a bit petty!) since she is now going into her junior year! Really though, she is everything to me. I was never that “rah-rah” mother of the year, but as she got older and I got wiser, I realized how unbelievably amazing a person she is and how fortunate I am to have her in my life. Getting this degree became a way to silently make her proud, instill in her strength and courage, and remind her that she can do anything. I have often said, anything good I have done or will do, will be because she is in my life.

2. My Friend, Bonnie….she started this journey with me four years ago and when I tell you that we have literally kept each other sane throughout, I am not exaggerating. There is something absolutely wonderful about knowing that someone is going through the exact same doubts and fears, worries and concerns as you at the same time for the same reasons. We have laughed and cried about our courses and our failures and our exploding stars! You are truly one of my best friends. Not just my cheerleader, you have played the role of wife-husband-sister-friend since the day we met. You think that I have lifted you up and kept you from drowning, when in fact the opposite is really true. The first person I always look to when I feel like I am falling, is you, and you’ve never let me down.

And finally the third and final thing that has kept me going these past four years as I stayed up late, woke up early, worked on trains, planes and sometimes airport bathrooms to take quizzes and write papers is not the most important of the three, but certainly deserves great acknowledgment…..drum roll please…..

3. Good wine…really does it need any further explanation…

To those of you who will read this today or any day and are not sure if you can do something that is hard or seemingly unthinkable but you want to, you really want to, I’m here to tell you that you can. I am here to tell you that the only thing standing between you and your dream, is nothing! Say the words, believe the dream, and envision yourself achieving your goal. There is nothing that you can not do and everything that you can.

Thanks for taking the journey with me.

All Love, Always.

Advertisements

The Good News

The Good News is that this summer I finished my Associates Degree and graduated Magna Cum Laude!

There is no flip side…no bad news, to this opener. It’s just ‘the good news’.

I could have followed my opening line up with BUT I have 6 more classes to take to complete my Bachelor’s Degree. But in some way that diminishes the accomplishment that is already mine. Sometimes we have to just accept the good news and not expect another shoe will drop with bad news. It took me a long time to figure that out, and to remember that I need to always celebrate the small victories. These victories keep you going and prevent you from drowning when life changes courses (as it always does) and you may be overwhelmed from time to time.

If you diminish the smaller steps toward success because there is a bigger goal in mind, you cheat yourself. So simply put, don’t do that and don’t let anyone else do it to you. Couple of things I have learned in the past three years that I want to share with you. And no, it’s not a lesson from Plato or Madame Curie or even Einstein, although all of them are evidence of my learning. What I have learned is …we focus on what we see every day; we believe the words we say out loud to our friends and the thoughts we repeat inside our heads and our hearts; we grow when we acknowledge how worthy we are despite our faults and we can accomplish absolutely anything that we convince ourselves we are capable of doing. We fail when we say it’s too hard; it’s not important; it doesn’t matter; it’s not that important; he/she/they won’t support me; I’m too busy.

My journey continues but I have not just met a milestone but I pole-vaulted over it. Three years ago, I was on my fourth attempt to get a Bachelor’s degree – and I was more than a little concerned that I wouldn’t do it. And here we are now with my finish line well in sight and not a doubt in my mind that this time next year, the journey will be concluded. They say the third time is the charm, but for some of us, it’s the fourth, or the fifth, or the sixth time. There is no number that is a one size fits all when it comes to fulfilling individual goals. The process of documenting my journey in this virtual, written platform has helped keep me motivated and moving forward. But while I have enjoyed working on  my writing and sharing my stories and my silly sense of humor with you; I have to admit that I am looking forward to the day, when I submit my last post that simply says…”I did it!”

Do we ever really appreciate what we have while we have it?

I have been practicing what I preach for over a year now, in terms of being grateful.  It’s not just something I say, or post on Facebook, but something I practice religiously, every day.  It’s also not an accident, using the descriptor, “religiously”, its intentional.  Gratitude and religion go hand and hand to me.  Of all the things I state that I am grateful for every day, I attribute to God.  Some people may just believe in a universal higher power, but I’m old school Baptist and believe that God is in the center of it all.

But when we don’t get something that we really want, despite how hard we have been trying, it’s not easy to continue to practice what we preach.

Let me set the stage…

Since June 1, I have been packing up my little back pack and attending a summer course for Chemistry.  Not one, not two, but FOUR nights a week for THREE LONG hours each night — both Chemistry labs and lectures.  I quite possibly could not hate anything with more fervor than I do this class.

I can scientifically now deduce that Chemistry sucks.  I mean really sucks.  At 16 when I took it in high school, it was terrible. At 45, it’s absolutely frightening. Not just am I taking it, at my age, I am taking the compressed summer version so we are talking 14 weeks’ worth of material, consolidated into 8.

Yesterday, I attended the 31st class – the next to very last.  I had been hoping against hope that perhaps I had scored high enough in my previous tests, lab practicals and quizzes to be exempted from the Final Exam.  The professor had told the class at the onset that students with an A average by the end of the class would be allowed to skip the final, cumulative exam in recognition of their outstanding work.  Well my work hadn’t been outstanding, but it had been a solid “Really Good”.  I had worked unbelievably hard, sacrificed countless fun summer activities with my friends, and forsaken anything that looked like a decent nights’ sleep for 2 months.  I was due this exemption!  I wanted it. And relying on my “practice what I preach” mentality, I set a laser focus the last 4 weeks of the class on getting an A.

If you want something create a post it note for it! See it every day!

If you want something create a post it note for it! See it every day!

At the start of class number 31, the Professor, who is probably the most gentle, kindest, teacher I have ever worked began the class with an announcement. He reminded us that in order to be exempted a student had to have achieved a 93 average thus far, and four students had accomplished this goal. He slowly (really slowly) began to read off the names. In my head, I had been calculating my grade all semester long and knew it wasn’t an A, but in my heart of hearts I believed in the power of positive thinking and “The Secret” and I visualized hearing my name and doing an inappropriate happy dance and perhaps victory lap around the classroom.

…The first person is…Madison Smartypants (gasp of surprise…clap, clap, clap, clap…)

…The second student is…Ashley Snottygirl (smirk of “I knew it all along”…clap, clap, clap, clap….)

Next is…Haley Knowitall (brief head nod….clap, clap, clap, clap…)

And finally our last student exempted is

Joanne Oldladyinclass (squeal of delight…..clap, clap, clap, clap….)

In the words of Florida Evans from Good Times, I mentally said, “DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!”

I’m ashamed to say, I didn’t clap for anyone. As evidenced by my decision to do a victory lap if I had been called, I am a terrible winner and a worse loser.  I realize this is a character flaw of which I need to work at. When the last name called was the other “old lady” in the class and not me, I was just pissed.  I knew I shouldn’t be, but did I tell you how much I really, really, really wanted to be exempted and how much I really, really, really think Chemistry sucks. Yes, I am certain I did.

With the reading of the names, the Fantastic Four, left the class without so much as a backward glance at the rest of us.  I could almost hear them collectively say, “see you suckers later”, under their breaths, as they headed back to dinners with friends, beachside barbecues, and pool parties.  Summers in Connecticut don’t last long, so you have to take advantage of every single sunny, gorgeous day we get and make the most of it.  Those four had just received what I would consider the equivalent of the Chocolate Factory golden ticket.  Damn them!

For the rest of us losers, Test 3 was returned to us with our score for the test as well as the score for the semester to date on the last page.  I had received an 80 on the test and an 83 for the semester. Even getting a perfect score of 100 on the final exam would be too little, too late.  Not only wasn’t I exempted but there was no possible way of getting an A in this class. I was disappointed. I knew I should be grateful for the B.  There was no shame in a B, at all, especially not given the complexity of the topic and the compressed timeline, and my graying brain cells.  Even though the professor let us leave early to study at home, I walked out head hung low and wishing I knew where the Fantastic Four were partying so I could literally let the air out of their tires.  Let’s see how much you know about pressure and volume now, smartie girls.

Resisting the urge to end the semester with a felony criminal record, I instead, went to find any one of my friends which I had been neglecting to see if they could commiserate with me over a glass of wine and greasy food.  I found one and proceeded to tell her my story of woe over chicken enchiladas and too warm Cabernet.  As any good friend would do, she listened and drank and drank and listened. Finally at the end, she said, “so can we talk about my problems now, because this doesn’t seem all that bad?”  Correctly she summarized that with a B, even if I failed the final, I would still walk away with a high C.  Leave it to your friends to tell you, you’re being a baby without saying it in so many words.  So naturally, I listened to her story of woe and drank and listened and listened and drank. Frankly, her issue put my issue to shame. After a quick hug and a mutual pat on the back, we parted ways for home.

I was grateful.  Life for me, has actually gotten so good lately, that I was wondering, am I on some kind of a roll that has to end?  I’m happier than I have been in years, work and personal life are not just satisfying they are wonderful and full of great potential, and financially I may not be a millionaire but I don’t worry about money – what more could I want.  And that’s when it hit me, nothing.  The secret to being grateful, isn’t that you get everything that you always ask for it’s that you deserve everything you get.  To be honest, I probably didn’t deserve an A.  I could have done more and worked a little harder but I made some conscious decisions over the past two months at times not to.  The B I was getting from an academic standpoint is exactly what I deserved.  I also started thinking that I needed to view gratitude from a sum of the whole, not as a collection of the few.  What I mean is that I was so hyper focused on getting a letter grade of A in this one class, but what I needed was something more. What I really needed from Chemistry was to do well, understand the material, and leave better, more confident than I walked in.  I did do that, I actually conquered Chemistry and the fear I had when I walked in the first day was long gone.  Each time I do that in any challenge it makes me more confident for the next unknown that I have to face.  In terms of succeeding in Chemistry, I had gotten an A in the bigger picture of what I really needed from this class, not the one that I had thought.

I still have at least 6 more classes (I think) before I finish my undergraduate Bachelor’s degree. I have been plugging away every semester taking no less than 2 classes a semester non-stop. I don’t get a chance to blog as much as I used to between work, home life and classes but I’m still in it to win it! The pursuit of my degree continues and I can’t wait to report to all of you in larger than life bold letters that I AM FINISHED!  I hope I can come up with a more clever blog title than that; perhaps I will post a video of me doing a victory lap around the campus.  Either way I will be grateful to have shared the journey with each of you.

The Gift of Gratitude

There’s been a lot of talk recently about the importance of gratitude. I don’t know if it’s simply the latest social media wave or if it’s always been there and it’s just now infected me. You know how when you buy a new car, then all of a sudden you see the same car everywhere you go – it’s really self-awareness it’s “new-to you” not “something new”.

About 3 months ago I heard an inspirational speaker at a work conference and he spoke about the importance of gratitude. His speech struck a chord with me and from that day to this I adopted his gratitude suggestion. Simply put, when you wake up and your feet touch the floor, you do two things 1. Express what you are grateful for that happened the day before and 2. Envision something to be grateful for in the day ahead. He also added that when he thinks of the day ahead, he focuses on someone other than himself to have something positive happen to. I loved the idea and it seemed to align with so many other similar stories and messages that I had been hearing on how grateful people are happier people. Frankly, I can use as many injections of happiness as I can get, so I was up for it.

Ugliest toes in the world

Ugliest toes in the world

This is a picture of my feet which I now look at every morning. Let me start off by saying my feet are the absolute worst feature of my whole body. Too many years of too tight, and sadly in my early days, too-cheap heels, have left them an ugly mess. That being said, I do actually look down at them every day when I start my gratitude thoughts and I think as ugly as they are, I should be grateful for them too. I blogged awhile back about foot surgery and the pain I went through. Let me tell you it was WELL over a year before the pain went away and I am truly grateful that I no longer suffer with such agony.

I’d like to say that I have turned into the happiest person on the planet since embracing this concept, but that’s not altogether true. In my opinion, happiness will always be a fleeting, transitory state that comes and goes. I have good days and bad days, but for the most part many more happy days than sad. I can however say that my new gratitude mantra has changed my overall outlook and my ability to focus and direct myself. I really do wake up and appreciate things much more than I ever did. Instead of being frustrated or overwhelmed about my job, my bills or my college journey, instead I feel a sense of gratitude for what I was fortunate/blessed to have accomplished in all of these areas. That in turn allows me to get more done and more accomplished. Call it self-fulfilling prophecy, call it “The Secret”, or call it whatever you like. I truly believe with all my heart that we will always get what we want when we can figure out what it is, ask for it and focus on it.

One example as it relates to college. For a long while I have been avoiding finding out how long it will take before I finish my degree. In my head, I thought it was at least another two years or more. I was scared of hearing the answer, so I avoided it. This summer, during one morning conversation with my toes, I said…

  • I am grateful for completing Economic Geography this summer and getting an “A”;
  • Today, I want to make sure I know how many more classes I need to graduate;
  • And, for someone else, I hope that my best friend has a better experience during her second summer session than she did her first

Over the next couple of days I figured out a few things; first I needed 14 more classes to complete my Bachelor’s degree; second if I doubled up each semester, I would be finished in one year — Summer 2015, and third that I was only 3 classes shy from receiving my AS from the sister college where I have been taking reciprocal courses!

For this I am very grateful, and yes….very happy

And oh yeah, about my best friend who I added to that day’s gratitude speech….she not only loved her second summer class, she said it was the best one she has taken so far.

I think this Gratitude stuff works.

Post Navigation

Kalia Kornegay

Freelance Journalist

♥ The Tale Of My Heart ♥

In your light, I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest, where no one sees you.

Prego and the Loon

Pregnant and Dealing With Domestic Violence

PaceSetter

"Let's succeed together..."

The Geographist

Geography, Now.

joeseeberblog

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

The Neighborhood

society online's social conscious

HarsH ReaLiTy

A Good Blog is Hard to Find

Taylor Brooke Winery

Taste the Vintage of CT's Quiet Corner

Living in a State of Discontent

Trying to find hope in a future where everything from resources to patience is peaking.

Rantings of an Amateur Chef

Food...cooking...eating....tools - What works, and what doesn't!

The Middlest Sister

There are 5 sisters. She's the middlest.

The Waiting

Turns out, it's not the hardest part.

alifemoment

Colourful Good Food & Positive Lifestyle